Please pray for this woman and her family - especially her two small children and her baby growing inside her. She was recently diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer which has spread to her liver. She is only thirty one years old. Her blog is wonderful - drop her a line and let her know you're praying for her!
Stage 4 breast cancer..? But I wanna live forever!: A visit from More Nanny
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
The Road to Emmaus
This time last year, we had only just recently found out I was pregnant. Wow...what would it be like having four children in the house? I had so many questions as to how we would manage. We don't have a ton of family help readily available, and I just found myself feeling a little overwhelmed. I had resigned myself to the fact that God was in control back on kid #2. Sooo, if I were to practice what I preached, I would have to relax and trust God with this one too.
This new baby would be blessing number four for us, and I was over-the-moon happy. Of course, I'd be lying if I didn't say I wondered if we would be buying any pink this time around, but I vowed I wouldn't go there. I was happy and wanted to stay that way. We decided not to find out if it would be a boy or a girl this time and just let it be. Man, that was a whole other issue that I could write an entire blog about. In my previous pregnancies, we had wanted to know "boy or girl" and it was always easy for the ultrasound technicians to see. The ultrasounds kind of went like this, "So you want to know? Okay, let's see if we see anything...Oh...Oh boy!!!!" With my third son, I found out by myself as my husband was home caring for our other two. I called him and said, "Well, it doesn't look like we'll need to buy new crib bedding."
This fourth baby was different though. I went for three ultrasounds - even paying for a fourth (the 4d) - and every time the baby was turned so no one could see. The baby was shy I thought. I had a hunch it was a girl, but I would never dare say that out loud. I just left each office visit with a big smile on my face as if it was a secret between the baby and me. Even if it had turned out to be a boy, I would have felt this really close special spiritual bond with that baby. It was as if the lines of communication were open and flowing but only between the baby and me. I reveled in it.
Okay, back to the "feeling overwhelmed" thing. Last summer, my church offered a women's Emmaus weekend retreat. For any of you who don't know what it is, it is a weekend to come to know Christ - either for the first time or to get to know him better. It is based on the Scripture passage about the two disciples who are walking on the road to the city of Emmaus soon after Jesus' death. They encounter Him on the road but do not recognize him. When they reach the city, they ask Him to stay and eat with them. "When he was at table with them, he took the bread and blessed and broke it, and gave it to them. And their eyes were opened and they recognized him; and he vanished out of their sight." Lk 24:30-32
Okay, so at this point in my life, I knew God was in control and I knew Christ had been calling me, and I knew his mother Mary had been pointing the way. Intellectually, I got all that, but I was feeling a little defeated - kind of like, "Aha! I got you when you weren't looking!" So I decided to sign myself up for the retreat in hopes that I would find out ways to be a better mother for my children. I hoped to get ideas about how to care for four children. Well, let's be honest, I was hoping angels would come down out of the ceiling and hand me all the answers written down neatly so I could easily and quickly refer back whenever an occasion should arise. Hmmmm
I went in looking for help in parenting, and I remember saying to God, "Okay, I'll go, but I'm not going to go looking for answers regarding my family. I don't even want to go there. Jesus, I'll go for you. I'll go for parenting tips and nothing else." I clearly hadn't gotten it yet! A few years back, I had attended a penance service at church and vowed to fight for Christ no matter what the cost would be. I lost my family soon after that. I had turned to St. Michael many times for strength during that period. (You can read about that story here: "Signing Up in Christ's Army" )
So, I signed myself up for the retreat and upon arrival on that first night, we were brought into a classroom and given a seating assignment. There were tables of about five or six chairs each. We were a large Emmaus group that year, twenty two I believe. One of the leaders told us which table we had been assigned, and said that each table had been given the name of an angel. I was pointed in the direction of the table to the right. My table was "St. Michael the Archangel". I literally laughed out loud. It was another "gotcha" moment, but in my stubbornness I thought it must refer to something else...it couldn't possibly have anything to do with my family. I was there to get parenting tips, after all.
On the second night of the retreat, we were brought to the church for confession and a small service afterwards. Well, I knew what I wanted to confess before I ever even walked in and thought "Great. This will be quick!" That's not really where my heart should have been before confessing...and Jesus knew that. The leaders were supposed to bring us up one by one. I sat in my chair ready to go. I waited and waited and waited...watched each woman go before me...and waited some more. People who know me know I don't wait well. I sat there thinking, "Why am I waiting here so long? Did they forget about me?" I dare say I might have had a temper tantrum in my head about having to wait (kind of an "Elaine moment" from Seinfeld). And then my line of questioning went to, "Okay, why are you making me wait here so long when you know that I have been ready to confess since I arrived?" Uh-oh, maybe Jesus was making me sit there and think about why I was really there that weekend. I hadn't wanted to think about my family. I just wanted parenting tips! I closed my eyes, humbled myself that night inside the church, and realized I needed to speak to Jesus about my relationship with my family. I agreed that's what I would do. Right then, one of the leaders tapped me on the shoulder and walked with me to the confessional. It was one of the greatest nights I have ever had. I walked out finally free...no more chains...Jesus had waited patiently for me to move through my selfishness and tantrums to finally come to Him in humility and ask for absolution.
There were a few other things that happened that weekend that are inexplicable except for the answer that with God all things are possible and Jesus is walking with us on our journeys. It's really a matter of whether or not we see Him. I went into the weekend with hesitation, wondering if I would get anything out of it and found myself sitting humbly with Christ, realizing it was He who had been waiting patiently for me all my life. He had always been there and was waiting for me to see Him. In my selfish request of wanting those elusive parenting tips, I came to terms with my relationship with my family and was able to finally move past it. I felt strength like I had never felt before. I had found those precious parenting tips...for how could I be a good mother if I was stuck in the past or feeling guilty or depressed. Jesus freed me that weekend so I could be a better mother to my four children. It's amazing how God works when we let go of that wheel knowing Christ is really the one who's been driving all along - leading us to his Father.
This new baby would be blessing number four for us, and I was over-the-moon happy. Of course, I'd be lying if I didn't say I wondered if we would be buying any pink this time around, but I vowed I wouldn't go there. I was happy and wanted to stay that way. We decided not to find out if it would be a boy or a girl this time and just let it be. Man, that was a whole other issue that I could write an entire blog about. In my previous pregnancies, we had wanted to know "boy or girl" and it was always easy for the ultrasound technicians to see. The ultrasounds kind of went like this, "So you want to know? Okay, let's see if we see anything...Oh...Oh boy!!!!" With my third son, I found out by myself as my husband was home caring for our other two. I called him and said, "Well, it doesn't look like we'll need to buy new crib bedding."
This fourth baby was different though. I went for three ultrasounds - even paying for a fourth (the 4d) - and every time the baby was turned so no one could see. The baby was shy I thought. I had a hunch it was a girl, but I would never dare say that out loud. I just left each office visit with a big smile on my face as if it was a secret between the baby and me. Even if it had turned out to be a boy, I would have felt this really close special spiritual bond with that baby. It was as if the lines of communication were open and flowing but only between the baby and me. I reveled in it.
Okay, back to the "feeling overwhelmed" thing. Last summer, my church offered a women's Emmaus weekend retreat. For any of you who don't know what it is, it is a weekend to come to know Christ - either for the first time or to get to know him better. It is based on the Scripture passage about the two disciples who are walking on the road to the city of Emmaus soon after Jesus' death. They encounter Him on the road but do not recognize him. When they reach the city, they ask Him to stay and eat with them. "When he was at table with them, he took the bread and blessed and broke it, and gave it to them. And their eyes were opened and they recognized him; and he vanished out of their sight." Lk 24:30-32
Okay, so at this point in my life, I knew God was in control and I knew Christ had been calling me, and I knew his mother Mary had been pointing the way. Intellectually, I got all that, but I was feeling a little defeated - kind of like, "Aha! I got you when you weren't looking!" So I decided to sign myself up for the retreat in hopes that I would find out ways to be a better mother for my children. I hoped to get ideas about how to care for four children. Well, let's be honest, I was hoping angels would come down out of the ceiling and hand me all the answers written down neatly so I could easily and quickly refer back whenever an occasion should arise. Hmmmm
I went in looking for help in parenting, and I remember saying to God, "Okay, I'll go, but I'm not going to go looking for answers regarding my family. I don't even want to go there. Jesus, I'll go for you. I'll go for parenting tips and nothing else." I clearly hadn't gotten it yet! A few years back, I had attended a penance service at church and vowed to fight for Christ no matter what the cost would be. I lost my family soon after that. I had turned to St. Michael many times for strength during that period. (You can read about that story here: "Signing Up in Christ's Army" )
So, I signed myself up for the retreat and upon arrival on that first night, we were brought into a classroom and given a seating assignment. There were tables of about five or six chairs each. We were a large Emmaus group that year, twenty two I believe. One of the leaders told us which table we had been assigned, and said that each table had been given the name of an angel. I was pointed in the direction of the table to the right. My table was "St. Michael the Archangel". I literally laughed out loud. It was another "gotcha" moment, but in my stubbornness I thought it must refer to something else...it couldn't possibly have anything to do with my family. I was there to get parenting tips, after all.
On the second night of the retreat, we were brought to the church for confession and a small service afterwards. Well, I knew what I wanted to confess before I ever even walked in and thought "Great. This will be quick!" That's not really where my heart should have been before confessing...and Jesus knew that. The leaders were supposed to bring us up one by one. I sat in my chair ready to go. I waited and waited and waited...watched each woman go before me...and waited some more. People who know me know I don't wait well. I sat there thinking, "Why am I waiting here so long? Did they forget about me?" I dare say I might have had a temper tantrum in my head about having to wait (kind of an "Elaine moment" from Seinfeld). And then my line of questioning went to, "Okay, why are you making me wait here so long when you know that I have been ready to confess since I arrived?" Uh-oh, maybe Jesus was making me sit there and think about why I was really there that weekend. I hadn't wanted to think about my family. I just wanted parenting tips! I closed my eyes, humbled myself that night inside the church, and realized I needed to speak to Jesus about my relationship with my family. I agreed that's what I would do. Right then, one of the leaders tapped me on the shoulder and walked with me to the confessional. It was one of the greatest nights I have ever had. I walked out finally free...no more chains...Jesus had waited patiently for me to move through my selfishness and tantrums to finally come to Him in humility and ask for absolution.
There were a few other things that happened that weekend that are inexplicable except for the answer that with God all things are possible and Jesus is walking with us on our journeys. It's really a matter of whether or not we see Him. I went into the weekend with hesitation, wondering if I would get anything out of it and found myself sitting humbly with Christ, realizing it was He who had been waiting patiently for me all my life. He had always been there and was waiting for me to see Him. In my selfish request of wanting those elusive parenting tips, I came to terms with my relationship with my family and was able to finally move past it. I felt strength like I had never felt before. I had found those precious parenting tips...for how could I be a good mother if I was stuck in the past or feeling guilty or depressed. Jesus freed me that weekend so I could be a better mother to my four children. It's amazing how God works when we let go of that wheel knowing Christ is really the one who's been driving all along - leading us to his Father.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Whoa! My Parenting Rules Changed! Fifteen Things Since Baby#4
Once I passed over the threshold of having three children I realized that some of the parenting rules had changed. When my oldest son was little he was an only child and as busy as I was being his mother, I can tell you the house was a LOT cleaner than it is today. I also wasn't late very often, I never missed an opportunity to take him to one of his friend's birthday parties, we ate out a lot more, his clothes were new, and I was able to keep up with the laundry.
At the end of this past school year, not only was I late (due to two diaper blowouts in the parking lot) to my preschooler's last day of school, but when I arrived, all the moms were crying and I asked ,"Why are you guys all so upset?" I was imagining a death in someone's family, but was met with,"Oh, this is their last day together." My confusion immediately turned into embarassment. What a horrible mother I was that I too wasn't sad. Well, maybe I would have been if it hadn't been for the diaper blowouts, baby girl strapped to my chest, and bam-bam my two year old son pulling on my arm. I was a little distracted these days, and it was probably a blessing. I couldn't help but think back to when my fifteen year old graduated from preschool and I was nuts about not missing a second! How things had changed! Luckily, my crying friends looked at me with those pitiful eyes and just waved off my ignorance as they had been doing all year.
I am not the same mother I was all those years ago, and that's okay. We're supposed to adapt to the needs of our children no matter how many we have, right? I do know the rules have changed a bit though.
Here are my top fifteen things I've learned since the arrival of baby #4:
1) It is impossible to keep all toys in their place at any given time. As a matter-of-fact, I'm convinced they reproduce if in one place for too long, so scatter them about!
2) It is not only okay to arrive an hour late to a birthday party but sort of expected, and really just considered great that you made it at all!
3) It is okay for my kids to miss brushing their teeth every now and then. They're baby teeth after all - they'll fall out anyway, right?
4) If my boys can still see out from under their hair, it doesn't need to be cut yet.
5) It's okay for my two year old's wardrobe to consist entirely of hand-me-downs. Ooh ooh, I have become a "green" mom!
6) I'm pretty convinced that a pop-tart is a nutritious start to the day. The box says it contains wheat, milk, egg, and soy. Doesn't get much better than that!
7) It's okay to occasionally forget to send in a required item to school for your child. You are "that mom with all those kids" afterall. That works for me!
8) If one kid gets sick, cease all cleaning immediately. The faster everybody gets sick, the faster you'll all get better...because you KNOW everyone will catch those nasty preschool germs anyway.
9) There's no use crying over spilled anything - it's a daily occurrence. Dogs are very useful here.
10) The five-second rule automatically gets revamped to whatever mom deems appropriate at the moment.
11) It's okay for everyone's drawers to be empty, the clean clothes are all folded and stacked on top of the dining room table. Much easier to find, right?
12) It's okay to leave the dishes in the sink and the house a disaster and go play with your kids outside. The Pope even just recently instructed parents to spend more time outdoor with their kids. That leaves less time for cleaning - woohoo! I knew I liked this Pope!
13) It's okay for baby's first foods to include big brother's green lollipop as recently discovered!
14) It's okay for the kids to skip their nightly bath every once in a while - especially if it means they'll all be in bed sooner!
15) It's NOT okay to not live in the moment and embrace each spill, sickness, ridiculous conversation, hug, or kiss whenever it comes along!
Happy parenting and may God bless you and your families - no matter the shape or size!
At the end of this past school year, not only was I late (due to two diaper blowouts in the parking lot) to my preschooler's last day of school, but when I arrived, all the moms were crying and I asked ,"Why are you guys all so upset?" I was imagining a death in someone's family, but was met with,"Oh, this is their last day together." My confusion immediately turned into embarassment. What a horrible mother I was that I too wasn't sad. Well, maybe I would have been if it hadn't been for the diaper blowouts, baby girl strapped to my chest, and bam-bam my two year old son pulling on my arm. I was a little distracted these days, and it was probably a blessing. I couldn't help but think back to when my fifteen year old graduated from preschool and I was nuts about not missing a second! How things had changed! Luckily, my crying friends looked at me with those pitiful eyes and just waved off my ignorance as they had been doing all year.
I am not the same mother I was all those years ago, and that's okay. We're supposed to adapt to the needs of our children no matter how many we have, right? I do know the rules have changed a bit though.
Here are my top fifteen things I've learned since the arrival of baby #4:
1) It is impossible to keep all toys in their place at any given time. As a matter-of-fact, I'm convinced they reproduce if in one place for too long, so scatter them about!
2) It is not only okay to arrive an hour late to a birthday party but sort of expected, and really just considered great that you made it at all!
3) It is okay for my kids to miss brushing their teeth every now and then. They're baby teeth after all - they'll fall out anyway, right?
4) If my boys can still see out from under their hair, it doesn't need to be cut yet.
5) It's okay for my two year old's wardrobe to consist entirely of hand-me-downs. Ooh ooh, I have become a "green" mom!
6) I'm pretty convinced that a pop-tart is a nutritious start to the day. The box says it contains wheat, milk, egg, and soy. Doesn't get much better than that!
7) It's okay to occasionally forget to send in a required item to school for your child. You are "that mom with all those kids" afterall. That works for me!
8) If one kid gets sick, cease all cleaning immediately. The faster everybody gets sick, the faster you'll all get better...because you KNOW everyone will catch those nasty preschool germs anyway.
9) There's no use crying over spilled anything - it's a daily occurrence. Dogs are very useful here.
10) The five-second rule automatically gets revamped to whatever mom deems appropriate at the moment.
11) It's okay for everyone's drawers to be empty, the clean clothes are all folded and stacked on top of the dining room table. Much easier to find, right?
12) It's okay to leave the dishes in the sink and the house a disaster and go play with your kids outside. The Pope even just recently instructed parents to spend more time outdoor with their kids. That leaves less time for cleaning - woohoo! I knew I liked this Pope!
13) It's okay for baby's first foods to include big brother's green lollipop as recently discovered!
14) It's okay for the kids to skip their nightly bath every once in a while - especially if it means they'll all be in bed sooner!
15) It's NOT okay to not live in the moment and embrace each spill, sickness, ridiculous conversation, hug, or kiss whenever it comes along!
Happy parenting and may God bless you and your families - no matter the shape or size!
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Chance Meeting or God's intervention?
Ever run into someone from your past and you think, "Wow, how cool was that?" Afterwards you realize that every part of that "chance" meeting was too perfect for it to be chance.
About a month before Easter, I began sitting in the back of the church for mass because I was worried the baby would begin fussing and I wouldn't be near that coveted escape route. I arrived at mass early just so I could attain that golden seat...last row, back corner, near the door! About twenty minutes into the service, the mother of an old friend walked into church. I had never seen her there before, and I hadn't seen my friend in about eight years. She stayed standing in the back and seemed to be looking for someone. Needless to say, I waited for just the right moment to be able to get up and go say hi. To make a long story short, we reunited and I was able to be reunited with her son, my old friend.
At Easter, he emailed to let me know he would be at church and he wanted me to meet his girlfriend. It was so great to get to see him after so many years and to get to meet his new love. I was so happy for him because he seemed so happy. A couple months went by and he emailed me again asking to speak with me. Uh-oh. I was worried. I called him that night after I got all the munchkins to bed, only to hear him say that his girlfriend was pregnant. Even though this was not the most idyllic situation, I, of course, was elated for him because I had always known he was born to be a father. I told him he'd be a wonderful dad and this baby was a gift from God. His voice sounded happy tempered with fear and doubt.
He called me the next week very upset because his girlfriend was contemplating abortion. He knew it was wrong but felt like he was doing the right thing in supporting whatever decision she made. I told him it was his choice too. He was the father and he had a voice as well. That was his baby as much as it was hers. I'm not sure he thought about that as our culture pounds it in to the brains of young people that it's only the mother's choice. The baby doesn't have a choice either? That baby was here for a reason and I had been placed back into my friend's life for a reason...and so I spoke up.
I told him about the Archdiocese Crisis Pregnancy Center where they could get help with baby items, counseling, parenting classes, and information about the life-long damaging effects of an abortion. I reminded him of how the Catholic Church views all abortion...it is murder. I also told him my husband and I would do whatever they needed if they kept the baby. I offered to babysit once he or she was born. We even offered to adopt if they felt they couldn't take care of their baby. I felt like I was racing against a time clock. Her family was in favor of the abortion and she was feeling pressured. I convinced my friend to take his girlfriend to the center. They went. He called me as soon as they left the center to let me know they had decided to keep the baby...that they could never go through with an abortion. He thanked me and told me he really didn't know what an abortion entailed. His girlfriend was really happy, and he was ecstatic. I was, well...over the moon!!! They came to visit a few days ago and they showed me the ultrasound picture of their baby. They both had it on their phones as their screen saver. I cried as soon as I saw their tiny precious baby. They were just like any other happy couple awaiting the arrival of their son or daughter. How everything changed in just a few days. As he put it, "It went from bad to awesome!" God saved their baby...I just happened to be in the right place at the right time!
About a month before Easter, I began sitting in the back of the church for mass because I was worried the baby would begin fussing and I wouldn't be near that coveted escape route. I arrived at mass early just so I could attain that golden seat...last row, back corner, near the door! About twenty minutes into the service, the mother of an old friend walked into church. I had never seen her there before, and I hadn't seen my friend in about eight years. She stayed standing in the back and seemed to be looking for someone. Needless to say, I waited for just the right moment to be able to get up and go say hi. To make a long story short, we reunited and I was able to be reunited with her son, my old friend.
At Easter, he emailed to let me know he would be at church and he wanted me to meet his girlfriend. It was so great to get to see him after so many years and to get to meet his new love. I was so happy for him because he seemed so happy. A couple months went by and he emailed me again asking to speak with me. Uh-oh. I was worried. I called him that night after I got all the munchkins to bed, only to hear him say that his girlfriend was pregnant. Even though this was not the most idyllic situation, I, of course, was elated for him because I had always known he was born to be a father. I told him he'd be a wonderful dad and this baby was a gift from God. His voice sounded happy tempered with fear and doubt.
He called me the next week very upset because his girlfriend was contemplating abortion. He knew it was wrong but felt like he was doing the right thing in supporting whatever decision she made. I told him it was his choice too. He was the father and he had a voice as well. That was his baby as much as it was hers. I'm not sure he thought about that as our culture pounds it in to the brains of young people that it's only the mother's choice. The baby doesn't have a choice either? That baby was here for a reason and I had been placed back into my friend's life for a reason...and so I spoke up.
I told him about the Archdiocese Crisis Pregnancy Center where they could get help with baby items, counseling, parenting classes, and information about the life-long damaging effects of an abortion. I reminded him of how the Catholic Church views all abortion...it is murder. I also told him my husband and I would do whatever they needed if they kept the baby. I offered to babysit once he or she was born. We even offered to adopt if they felt they couldn't take care of their baby. I felt like I was racing against a time clock. Her family was in favor of the abortion and she was feeling pressured. I convinced my friend to take his girlfriend to the center. They went. He called me as soon as they left the center to let me know they had decided to keep the baby...that they could never go through with an abortion. He thanked me and told me he really didn't know what an abortion entailed. His girlfriend was really happy, and he was ecstatic. I was, well...over the moon!!! They came to visit a few days ago and they showed me the ultrasound picture of their baby. They both had it on their phones as their screen saver. I cried as soon as I saw their tiny precious baby. They were just like any other happy couple awaiting the arrival of their son or daughter. How everything changed in just a few days. As he put it, "It went from bad to awesome!" God saved their baby...I just happened to be in the right place at the right time!
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