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Friday, August 26, 2011

Thoughts on Hurricanes

Living through Hurricane Andrew was an experience I don't really want to repeat, but one that brought about several lessons.  First, prepare, prepare, prepare.  Secondly, don't hold on (emotionally) to material possessions because they truly become dust in the wind.  Lastly, after the storm passes, the sun will come out and the weather will be balmy and beautiful (at least for a day).

As Hurricane Irene made its way scarily close to us on Thursday, the weather was horrible.  We were pretty much shut in the house all day because the squalls were so unpredictable and came with inordinate amounts of rain and wind.  Even though I needed to go to the grocery store, I decided to stay in with the kids and pull out something from the freezer for dinner.  Luckily, I had made spaghetti sauce last week and frozen the leftovers.  The day was long being shut in, but I thought about the day after Andrew and particularly Wilma.  I remember the weather being so windy and sunny.  It was more like an early spring day.  Our summers are so hot, humid, and usually still that the wind and cooler weather is like a little gift amidst the chaos in the aftermath.

So, I was thinking what the weather would be like on Friday.  Lo and behold, I woke up Friday morning to one of the most glorious South Florida skies I have ever seen.  The sky was blue blue blue and with very few clouds.  The breezes were strong and the temps were below 90 - definitely a gift in the middle of August!  I made sure I spent as much time as I could outside with the kids on Friday.   It was so unusually beautiful for our time of year that it made me think of how all that big blue beautiful sky was there all along under that rain - it's just easy to forget when you can't see much beyond the end of your car in the sheets of rain.

In our lives, we endure many storms.  It's difficult to see beyond them or our way out sometimes, but God is always there.  He is always with us, like the blue sky.  This time of year, it is easy to get bogged down under the pressures of daily family life with the advent of the new school year.  There are a million responsibilities and it's easy to forget to breathe and remember what's important in life.  The things that matter are the things that matter to God.  It's not whether your kids have straight A's or if they're the best ball player or ballerina.  What matters are your relationships with your family - your children and your husband or wife.  Our lives are really made up of a lot of little storms with a few hurricanes thrown in.  Our faith gets us through these storms.  It's the faith in knowing that God's mercy is always there and that the calm is usually just around the corner.  God has a plan for each of us and we are called to be faithful.

The three lessons I learned from Hurricane Andrew apply to our everyday lives.  First, prepare: prepare your family for a life with Christ.  Your only goal as a parent is to get your children to heaven.  Secondly, don't worry about the trinkets and knick-knacks.  They become dust in a hurricane and prove that God's love and mercy is always stronger than any problem we might be hanging on to.  And lastly, as a sunny sky is almost always inevitable after a storm, so it is in your life.  Walk with Christ always - even in your storms - and you will find love and mercy.

I pray tonight for the citizens of North Carolina and on up the Eastern Seaboard.  May they all have minimal damage from Hurricane Irene, and may they see God's love and mercy even amidst this storm.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Have Kids and Dance with Them Like There's No Tomorrow!



Tonight, my husband came home from work and told me a story about something he saw today.  Two "twenty-somethings" (a man and woman) were comparing pictures on their cell phones of their adorable, sweet....wait for it.........dogs.   Apparently, their dogs had outfits, and cute poses, and fur "just so", and they were clearly VERY loved - or spoiled - however you want to look at it.  Anyway, my husband said to them, "Man, you guys have got to have some kids."  He said the look of disgust that came over their faces was quite a sight.  They looked like he had just poured a drink in their lap, when all he did was mention the idea of having a child. The woman even said, "Kids?  No way.  I am NOT having kids.  You can't put kids in kennels."

And there you have it, folks.  This is how many of our twenty-somethings feel about God's greatest gift to them.  So much of the time, we think we can do things our way and on our terms and on our timetables, only to be "schooled" by God.  We think we can even tell God a thing or two.  The one time, He actually asks us for our help in His creation, we turn our backs on Him.  I hate to say this, but that woman is the prime example of so many who build portfolios and travel visas in their twenties and thirties only to find themselves lonely and depressed as they approach forty.

Of course, we have the pill to thank for our (ahem) liberation and the ability to work ourselves into the ground in pursuit of the latest designer handbag, pair of shoes, toy dog, or whatever.  Things will never make one happy - NEVER.  They are unfulfilling.  It's like a sugar rush.  You get so happy to have that bag of m&m's at 3pm, only to feel horrible at 4pm...longing for the meal.  Children are your offspring.  They are God's greatest gift to us.  They fulfill our lives in ways we could never comprehend before having them - like a wonderful homecooked meal (that takes time and effort) compared to the vending machine candy.  They are more than dressing them up in cute outfits and photographing them to show our colleagues and friends.  They are most definitely all about sleepless nights, messy houses, dirty clothes, diapers, impromptu artwork on the walls, runny noses, fevers, tummy aches, sibling rivalries, spitting contests, wrestling, repeated questions, lots of arm folding and eye rolling, but they are also about sloppy kisses all over your face, out-of-the-blue hugs and kisses and i love yous, homemade cards, hand holding, wearing beloved hand-me-downs, bubbly bubble baths, craft making, artwork proudly displayed on the fridge, jammie time, silly toddler words and catchphrases you'll remember for a lifetime, anytime snuggles, tiny hands caressing your face, a baby's gaze into your eyes, a teenager's "thank you", storybook reading, family vacations (that are torture at the time, but you wouldn't trade those funny memories for anything), lots of dancing (especially to Barry White), and the greatest most unconditional love you could ever know.  Our time on this earth is so limited and so precious.  If you have children, hug and kiss them a LOT.  Also, teach them how to be good parents - how to love children the way YOU love THEM.  We have to stop this pervasive negative attitude towards "family".  The time is right now.  You can never regain yesterday.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Marriage: Outdated Institution or God's Gift to Us?

Apparently I have been living under a rock for the past twenty years because it seems like all of a sudden, very few young couples are getting married.  Well, to loosely quote a noted celebrity, marriage is an outdated institution that has no place in our society anymore.  REALLY?  And what about all the images on tv that bombard our society with the idea that living together is not only okay, but expected and the "smart" way of entering a possible marriage?

One of my favorite guilty pleasures is watching "The Bachelor/Bachelorette".  My husband likes to poke fun at my addiction to this show, but I can tell you I watch it closely and it is a sociological experiment.  To watch many young men and women act (and dress) inappropriately, only to be crushed to find out they haven't been chosen is something to behold.  In their moment of despair after just being "booted", they always lament the notion they will never find the love of their life and the mother or father to their future children.  So, what I come away from that show with is that under the glamorous clothing, makeup, hairstyles...beneath the catfights...women want to be loved, to be made safe, and to be a wife and mother.  Under the bravado, the pride, the large muscles, and GQ clothing, men want to be loved, to feel they are keeping a woman safe, and to be a husband and father.  This is instinctual.  This is how God created us.

Because I'm still nursing my baby girl, I get some time in front of the television.  Really, the only time I get caught up on society at large is when I have a baby and am nursing.  Once the baby turns one and I can give cow's milk, the tv usually gets turned off, the kids are runnin', and I'm runnin' right behind them.  Nighttimes are filled with play, bath, and bedtime...and me passing out not long after.  However, for the next six months or so, I'll get a lot of face time with the television.  A channel I watch a lot is HGTV - for two reasons.  I find it interesting to see how people live all around the world, and it's usually harmless if children are in the room.  However, I have noticed a huge jump in the amount of young couples "making that leap" and buying their first house together - only, they're not married.  It's all fine and dandy, but if one were to think this channel is portraying society at large, we are in a LOT of trouble.

I am noticing more and more a complete breakdown of the family unit - and I mean complete breakdown.  We have gotten so far away from seeing a normal healthy family with two parents - male and female - that to show a family like that on television now would be insensitive...to all the "nontraditional" families.  The more we see young couples living together and throwing away the sacrament of marriage, the more numb we become to all of the troubles that will stem from that.  The Catholic Church is very clear about marriage as a sacrament, and once again She is wise.

When I was growing up, my dad always used to say that a woman should never first live with a man because there would be no incentive for the man to make her his wife.  All of his selfish desires would be fulfilled.  My dad was right.  When a woman moves in with her boyfriend, she is most certainly giving up her purity.  And for what?  For the chance that he might make a real commitment to her by making her his wife at some future date?  Many people would say why go through the legal hassles of a marriage when it will most likely end in divorce, which will bring even bigger legal hassles?  There won't be any strings attached and the man or woman can walk away at anytime.  Sounds tempting, but that is not how God designed us.

"To heal the wounds of sin, man and woman need the help of the grace that God in his infinite mercy never refuses them. Without his help man and woman cannot achieve the union of their lives for which God created them 'in the beginning'."  (Catechism of the Catholic Church 1608)

So, in the beginning, God created man and woman to achieve a union of their lives.  We are created from the beginning to find each other, love each other enough to make a sacramental bond, and work together at raising a family.  Our spouses are gifts from God.  Marriage is a gift from God.   A marriage is about giving yourself over to another - completely.  It is about loving the other so much you can't imagine a day without him/her.  It is unselfish.  It is giving.  It is a completion of one's heart.  The two hearts come together and form one, and in return for this selflessness God has granted us a gift of being fruitful and producing children - more children to enter into God's kingdom.  Children are the fruits of a marriage and they learn respect and obedience in a family that they will take out into the world.  A couple's mutual love is an image of the love God has for mankind.  God's love for us is unending and unconditional.  So too should our love be for our spouses.

So how can a couple say that they are loving unselfishly or unconditionally if they are merely living together with the idea that backing out altogether is always present within the relationship?  No couple in love should start their lives together this way.  They are not being "smart" by testing the waters.  They are hurting each other and themselves.  They are not respecting each other or themselves enough to make a commitment to the love of their lives.  They are not really willing to completely give over their heart.  If someone says, "well, we lived together to see if we were compatible living together," then I would say they didn't date long enough.  Dating is the time when a couple should be learning as much as possible about the other person and asking the hard questions.  I'm sorry, but society at large just doesn't have this one right.