Marriage: Outdated Institution or God's Gift to Us?

Apparently I have been living under a rock for the past twenty years because it seems like all of a sudden, very few young couples are getting married.  Well, to loosely quote a noted celebrity, marriage is an outdated institution that has no place in our society anymore.  REALLY?  And what about all the images on tv that bombard our society with the idea that living together is not only okay, but expected and the "smart" way of entering a possible marriage?

One of my favorite guilty pleasures is watching "The Bachelor/Bachelorette".  My husband likes to poke fun at my addiction to this show, but I can tell you I watch it closely and it is a sociological experiment.  To watch many young men and women act (and dress) inappropriately, only to be crushed to find out they haven't been chosen is something to behold.  In their moment of despair after just being "booted", they always lament the notion they will never find the love of their life and the mother or father to their future children.  So, what I come away from that show with is that under the glamorous clothing, makeup, hairstyles...beneath the catfights...women want to be loved, to be made safe, and to be a wife and mother.  Under the bravado, the pride, the large muscles, and GQ clothing, men want to be loved, to feel they are keeping a woman safe, and to be a husband and father.  This is instinctual.  This is how God created us.

Because I'm still nursing my baby girl, I get some time in front of the television.  Really, the only time I get caught up on society at large is when I have a baby and am nursing.  Once the baby turns one and I can give cow's milk, the tv usually gets turned off, the kids are runnin', and I'm runnin' right behind them.  Nighttimes are filled with play, bath, and bedtime...and me passing out not long after.  However, for the next six months or so, I'll get a lot of face time with the television.  A channel I watch a lot is HGTV - for two reasons.  I find it interesting to see how people live all around the world, and it's usually harmless if children are in the room.  However, I have noticed a huge jump in the amount of young couples "making that leap" and buying their first house together - only, they're not married.  It's all fine and dandy, but if one were to think this channel is portraying society at large, we are in a LOT of trouble.

I am noticing more and more a complete breakdown of the family unit - and I mean complete breakdown.  We have gotten so far away from seeing a normal healthy family with two parents - male and female - that to show a family like that on television now would be insensitive...to all the "nontraditional" families.  The more we see young couples living together and throwing away the sacrament of marriage, the more numb we become to all of the troubles that will stem from that.  The Catholic Church is very clear about marriage as a sacrament, and once again She is wise.

When I was growing up, my dad always used to say that a woman should never first live with a man because there would be no incentive for the man to make her his wife.  All of his selfish desires would be fulfilled.  My dad was right.  When a woman moves in with her boyfriend, she is most certainly giving up her purity.  And for what?  For the chance that he might make a real commitment to her by making her his wife at some future date?  Many people would say why go through the legal hassles of a marriage when it will most likely end in divorce, which will bring even bigger legal hassles?  There won't be any strings attached and the man or woman can walk away at anytime.  Sounds tempting, but that is not how God designed us.

"To heal the wounds of sin, man and woman need the help of the grace that God in his infinite mercy never refuses them. Without his help man and woman cannot achieve the union of their lives for which God created them 'in the beginning'."  (Catechism of the Catholic Church 1608)

So, in the beginning, God created man and woman to achieve a union of their lives.  We are created from the beginning to find each other, love each other enough to make a sacramental bond, and work together at raising a family.  Our spouses are gifts from God.  Marriage is a gift from God.   A marriage is about giving yourself over to another - completely.  It is about loving the other so much you can't imagine a day without him/her.  It is unselfish.  It is giving.  It is a completion of one's heart.  The two hearts come together and form one, and in return for this selflessness God has granted us a gift of being fruitful and producing children - more children to enter into God's kingdom.  Children are the fruits of a marriage and they learn respect and obedience in a family that they will take out into the world.  A couple's mutual love is an image of the love God has for mankind.  God's love for us is unending and unconditional.  So too should our love be for our spouses.

So how can a couple say that they are loving unselfishly or unconditionally if they are merely living together with the idea that backing out altogether is always present within the relationship?  No couple in love should start their lives together this way.  They are not being "smart" by testing the waters.  They are hurting each other and themselves.  They are not respecting each other or themselves enough to make a commitment to the love of their lives.  They are not really willing to completely give over their heart.  If someone says, "well, we lived together to see if we were compatible living together," then I would say they didn't date long enough.  Dating is the time when a couple should be learning as much as possible about the other person and asking the hard questions.  I'm sorry, but society at large just doesn't have this one right.