Thank God Men Are from Mars and Women Are from Venus

Two decades ago, a book was published entitled, "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus".  I never read the book, but my understanding of it is that men and women are so intrinsically different, it is as if we come from two totally different planets.  I never bought the book when it came out because I was newly married, and I never wanted to pigeon-hole my husband into a stereotype.  I already knew we were very different - he, a first generation American hispanic and cradle Catholic who grew up in New York City and me, a descendant of Irish and English settlers dating back to the 1600's who grew up in suburbs of various large cities across this vast nation.  I did feel, however, that no matter our differences our intense love for each other could see us through whatever storm came our way.

We have had our ups and downs - many more ups, but the downs have been there too.  Our marriage has been tested in times of stress... a new job, a move, extended family problems, or a new baby.  Men and women do react to stressful events differently.  I know that not all men fall into one category and not all women fall into another, but I also know we just are hardwired differently from conception.

Do not let this fact stress you out.  Do you believe that God is all powerful and all knowing and the creator of the universe?  If you do, do you think he looks at man and woman and thinks, "Hmmm, maybe I should have made man more emotional and maybe I should have made woman more analytical."  Nope, I don't think so. God doesn't have "oops" moments.  His design was perfect.  Men and women are different - I would say opposites - for a reason.  We were made differently to perfectly complement the other.

I look at my own marriage of now almost twenty three years and I can see my shortcomings are made up for through my husband.  I can have a short fuse as he can go the distance steadily.  I can multitask at home with the four children better than my husband can (and I don't think he would disagree with that as he tells me all the time "I can't do what you do"), and good thing as he is the bread winner and I am the stay at home mom.  We complement each other.  He fills my cup with what I'm missing, and hopefully I do the same for him.  When I was younger, I used to think, "Why can't he do such and such the way I do it?"  It has taken me years to realize he just can't. He wasn't MADE  that way.  He, I'm sure, looks at me the same way - only his "such and such" is different than mine.  If I ever feel the urge to get uptight because he isn't doing something the way I would do it, I look at what he is doing and the ways in which he is doing it...and rejoicing in that.  We are different - he gives me what I am lacking and he gives my children what I can't.  He is not their mother - he is their father.  I rejoice in his fatherhood and being my complement.

I used to teach pre-algebra and algebra and I used to love the section on geometry because it was a bit of a break.  In geometry one learns about complementary and supplementary angles.  Complementary angles are two angles whose sum of their measurements equals ninety degrees.  Supplementary angles are two angles whose sum of their measurements equals one hundred eighty degrees.  The complementary angles form a right angle.  If you look at a protractor, ninety degrees is perfectly straight - standing upright.  Two complementary angles come together to form one that stands perfectly upright.  A man and woman complement each other and form the perfect union - standing upright as one.  We are different but we come together in the sacrament of marriage and form a perfect union complementing each other's strengths and weaknesses.  Rejoice in your differences. Rejoice in knowing God created you this way for a reason.  Rejoice in knowing you don't have to be everything in the marriage.  Your spouse makes up the other half.  Let your husband be completely male and let your wife be completely female.

p.s.  If you are finding yourselves in a stressful situation right now and feeling distanced from one another, find a slice of time together away from the kids and other distractions.  You don't even have to go away from the home.  Just ask your spouse for a "date" after the kids go to bed.  Watch a movie together, sit close, talk, laugh, cry...whatever.  Just find a bit of time together to feel the closeness again.  Tell your spouse in very clear words what you are feeling and why.  The two of you can find solutions to getting through the stressful times together - as a united front.