To my precious baby,
I loved you from the moment I discovered you were growing inside me.
I loved the idea of getting to know you through every movement and hiccup over the next nine months. I loved that your soul would grow entwined with mine.
I loved how you challenged me to become a better mother by questioning how I am currently mothering and analyzing whether or not those methods would work for a fifth child in the house.
I loved how you challenged my truly pro-life stance - not that I ever wanted you to not be here, but because I am an older mom and my life is already so hectic, I saw how women unknowingly make the mistake of their lives by choosing what they think is a viable choice to keep their current living standards/lifestyles.
I loved how you challenged everyone we told of your impending birth. You challenged their belief that an older mom shouldn't get pregnant. You challenged their notion of what the ideal family looks like. You challenged them because they thought about their own lives and wondered what it would be like if they had had one more baby.
I loved how my belly was growing with your life inside - and your hormones wreaking havoc.
I loved how I turned to your daddy and told him, "I love being pregnant," all because of you.
I loved you for coming to our family and making your brothers and sister squeal with delight at the thought of you in our lives.
I loved how you made your seven year old brother kiss my belly every day and whisper, "I love you baby."
I loved how I dreamed of your big sister playing with you and "mothering" you - especially in those times when your two older brothers team up together and leave her out, and when your oldest brother is busy with homework.
I loved you for coming to our family to be your big sister's little sister or brother.
I loved you for nudging your daddy and me even closer - loving each other even more - because we knew our bond would have to be even tighter with five children in the house.
I loved you for encouraging your daddy and me to work together to come up with creative solutions to space issues in the house, whether or not to begin homeschooling, and our finances.
I love how you brought nothing but joy, hope, and love to our home.
I love how your due date was my birthday.
Most of all, I love how you pushed me to turn to Jesus for strength and counsel by attending daily mass - even with a three year old and two year old in tow.
I love how your tiny, fragile, and precious life caused me to visit Jesus in adoration and hear Him say, "Why does the number five scare you? You already were a mother of five. You've already been a mother of five." I had already lost two before you.
I love how you pushed me to adoration to hear Jesus say not to be afraid - to completely trust in Him - completely.
I love how you, in the short time I carried you, completely transformed me and made me a better person. I am forever grateful.
I loved you for the eight weeks I carried you inside me. Your four siblings here and your two in heaven will always love you. I will always love you. Your father will always love you. I miss you horribly.
I love that I will one day be united with you and your two siblings who went before you.
My love, my precious baby, I will love you for all eternity.
Thank you for loving me.
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