Teach Your Children Well

Being a part of the pro-life movement is not an easy task, and at times seems like such a daunting commitment that I want to bow out all together.  Abortion is not an easy topic to talk about, read about, or write about.  Every time, I begin to feel defeated or like I could walk away without anyone even noticing, something or someone inadvertently picks me back up and encourages me to press on.

Today, I saw a video which exhilarated my efforts once again because it accurately showed the reality of why so many abortions occur, and it ultimately portrayed the young woman choosing life over death.  I have personally known several women who have had abortions and each time, the woman was pressured by her boyfriend or husband to "just get rid of it".  As I write those words, the hair stands up on the back of my neck because it completely goes against every fiber of my being.  Women are born to nurture.  We are born to give life and nurture that life.  It would be counter to our genetics to kill our offspring.

However, this is happening by the millions.  Too often than not, boyfriends and husbands who have no God in their lives find it easy to tell their girlfriends and wives that having a baby is not an option.  They will even tell them that if they decide to keep the baby, they're through.  I can tell you with certainty that a woman at the end of her life will never regret having children; however, she will regret staying one minute with a man who would even think of the possibility of murdering their child, let alone actually suggesting and/or demanding it.

I am convinced that the only way abortion will end is by changing the hearts of our young men and women.  Girls and boys must be taught from a very young age that life begins at conception.  They must be taught that "life" means "baby"...not a clump of cells!  Having a baby is God's gift to us.  He is showing us His love for us through creating life.  If you have ever looked into a baby's eyes and seen the understanding - the connection - that is there, then you have seen God's love for you.  Babies are love.  They love and want to be loved.  It's really as simple as that.  We love them by nurturing them through nourishment, close loving contact, gentle movements, warmth, kisses, and hugs. God loves us in the same way.  He is gentle, he nourishes us, and he is in close contact with us all the time.  He loves us through the gift of life.

We have to teach our girls to respect themselves and their bodies enough to know that having a baby should only occur within the context of a loving marriage.  If we could teach our sons to respect girls to such a height as to hold in esteem the sanctity of marriage, then girls would never feel pressured into a situation that deep down they know is wrong.  Abstinence is the only form of contraception that is 100% reliable.  There is no other form of contraception that is 100% reliable.  As a matter-of-fact, all other forms of contraception can lead to depression and low self-esteem, which have far reaching consequences for girls.  I don't know any 40 year old women who say, "I'm sure glad I had all those wild times when I was younger and gave myself to all those boys.  Sure glad I had all those pre-marital relationships and one night stands!" What have we women done with our "freedom"?  We have given ourselves freely over to abuse, rape, low self-esteem, depression, medical problems as a result of contraceptions and abortions, a rise in breast and cervical cancer, and the ability to murder our own children in a horrific violent manner.

This video accurately portrays the scenario of a young woman who finds herself pregnant with her boyfriend's child, only to hear that she must "take care of it" or they're through.  As I stated earlier, she ultimately chooses life over death; motherhood over a short lived relationship with a boy who is willing to murder his own child.  We must start at home with our own children...telling them of the beauty of life - of the gift God bestows upon us.  We must teach our children to abstain until marriage.  We must teach our children of the sanctity of marriage.  We must teach our young girls to respect themselves and their bodies, so that they never give themselves over freely.  We must teach our young boys to respect girls and their bodies.  We must teach our young boys how to grow into men who are willing to abstain until marriage.  We must also teach them that killing the unborn is never an option...and it is never an option to suggest it to a young woman.  If we can teach our children those things, abortions will cease to exist.  We won't have to fight powerhouses like Planned Parenthood because there won't be money to be had in the abortion business anymore.  If we can change the hearts of Americans, then we can change laws...but not until then.

I have included the short movie here.  I welcome your comments!

Warning!:  some graphic images

Evangelizing the Passion of the Christ

THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST

Last week, I was reading an excellent new blog posting by Jimmy Akin ( JIMMY AKIN.ORG ) about the priests' duty to call on parishioners to evangelize.  When one thinks of evangelizing, one probably does not first think of a Catholic; maybe a Southern Baptist or a Pentecostal or a Jehovah's Witness or a Mormon...but not generally a Catholic.  We fall short in trying to spread the Good News of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Why is this?  Why are we shy to speak about Jesus' saving grace?  Why should we not ask a friend, coworker, neighbor, family member, or a fallen away Catholic to come to Mass with us?  Jesus established His Church over 2000 years ago.  He founded it with Peter, our first Pope.  It is through His church that we find Him, our Savior.

Two days after reading the blog, my oldest son and I went to see the 8th grade reenact the Stations of the Cross.  We mostly went to see some old friends, as my son had graduated from that school just last year, as well as getting me out of the house with the baby for an hour or so.  What I didn't plan on was how the reenactment of the Passion by a group of 8th graders moved me.  My mind kept wandering to scenes from the movie, "The Passion of the Christ."  I identify so much with Mary as a mother of a son.  I still have great difficulty watching certain scenes from that movie in which Mary is portrayed.  Her pain is unfathomable to me.  I cannot imagine watching my beautiful son that I carried in my womb and nursed and raised and loved be crucified...humiliated, beaten, and crucified.

Those who were closest to Jesus were so passionate about spreading His story - the story of his life, death, and resurrection.  They were so passionate, in fact, that they were willing to lay down their life for it without hesitation.  They actually considered it an honor to do so.  My pastor spoke today about having that passion within us - being passionate about our Lord.  Jimmy Akin would have been proud of him.  Even though he did not specifically tell us to go and evangelize, what better way for him to evangelize to us than to speak with such fire and conviction - at times yelling with PASSION!

So I began to think about the blog, the stations, the homily, the Passion, and I wondered how much better would we be as Catholics if we had witnessed the birth, life, death, and resurrection of our Lord, Jesus Christ?  How would our lives be different?  How much would you really care about the traffic, the weather, your emails, your looks, politics, or differences of opinions?  What would you be doing differently?  How passionately would you be out every day trying to spread the Good News?  Wouldn't you spend every waking hour thinking of Jesus and what he had done for you?  Wouldn't you miss Him and pray for His return?  Wouldn't you worry for all the souls who saw and did not believe?  Wouldn't you worry for all the souls who never saw and didn't know?  Wouldn't you be trying to tell them every detail?  And wouldn't you be doing it passionately?  As Catholics, we are called to believe without seeing.  It is our duty to spread the news that God sent His only Son to earth to save us from sin...that He loves us so much that He suffered and died for us so that we may have eternal life with Him.  We begin Holy week now.  Now is our chance to turn all of our attention to the one who was sent for us.  Easter is coming.  It is the day we are finally allowed to say once again, "Hallelujah!"  Spread the Good News as if you have seen, and be passionate about our Christ - He is passionate about you!

"Eight days later, his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them.  The doors were shut, but Jesus came and stood among them, and said, 'Peace be with you.'  Then he said to Thomas, 'Put your finger here, and see my hands; and put out your hand, and place it in my side; do not be faithless, but believing.'  Thomas answered him, 'My Lord and my God!'  Jesus said to him, 'You have believed because you have seen me.  Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe.' "   -John 20:26-29

As if Sexualization of Tweens Wasn't Enough...Here Come the Dolls from Hell

Monster High dolls as seen at my local
Target (glare on glass case from lights)

My five year old son today in Target said (with horror in his voice), "Why would anyone make such scary looking dolls for little girls??!!"  My response, "I don't know...frightening."

Up close you can see the fangs and other scary facial features

Last week, I saw a commercial on TV for a new line of Barbie-sized dolls called "Monster High Dolls".  I then received a mailer from Target advertising these dolls.  I had to see them in person.  I naively thought my nice suburban Target would not carry dolls like these.  Not only do they carry them, but they are prominently displayed in a glass case on one of the "girl aisles".  I could not believe my eyes...dolls for young girls that actively promote evil and sexualization of tweens all wrapped up in one.  They have fangs, very pale skin, large eyes (like the Bratz dolls), and sport call-girl type clothing.  Apparently, the dolls are based on a series of books about teen children of famous monsters like Dracula, Frankenstein, etc.  The premise sounds harmless, as we had Scooby Doo back in the day...but I can promise you these dolls are not harmless.

Everywhere we look today, young girls are bombarded with the notion that if they don't look "sexy" they will not get anywhere in life - they won't get the right guy, they won't get the fancy car or house, and ultimately they will not be happy.  For a number of years, one of the most popular high school graduation presents from a girl's parents was breast enhancement.  That's right, what would become of a young lady going off to college without it?  The sexualization of young girls in our society has reached an insane level.

Little girls are the ones who love to play with Barbie and dolls like Barbie.  I had Barbies growing up, and I'm sure they don't convey the right message to young girls either, but at least they didn't have fangs and dress like street walkers!  This new set of dolls are aimed at very young girls and are encouraging them to become desensitized to the evil world.  An entire generation of young women will have only known the likes of "Twilight" and "Monster High".  An entire generation is growing up with this as their "norm".  They are becoming desensitized to inappropriate dress, inappropriate actions, and most importantly...evil.  If you think these movies and books have no bearing on teen life, think again.  There have been many cases of teens biting other teens just because it looked "cool" and "sexy" in "Twilight".  It's anything but...it's frightening.

As parents, we must oppose this as becoming our daughters' norm.  It is not normal.  It is anything but normal for young girls to have fantasy play about teen monsters who dress in short skirts, midriff baring tops, fishnet stockings, and platform high heeled shoes.  This is definitely not the type of fantasy play I would ever want for my daughter.

I have absolutely no doubt that Satan has always wanted to destroy the family unit and what better way than to reduce the amount of mothers and children?  When young girls grow up thinking that their only worth is through materialism and external looks, why would they ever want to give themselves completely over to their children and families?  That probably sounds a little too difficult for today's narcissistic young lady.  Girls today are taught that they are in complete control of their sexuality and this will give them power.  But what kind of control?  Birth control?  Ability to wear short skirts or shorts the size of a bikini bottom? They are ultimately left with an emptiness inside that only listening to their true femininity would fulfill.  They are cheapening themselves when they behave this way, and it does a number on their self esteem.

God designed young girls to become the nurturers of our society.  Without nurturing mothers, what will become of our future children?  Satan will surely have won if he can destroy the God-given role of a woman.  Love your daughters, teach them to love God, to listen to their hearts, and to stay FAR away from anything even remotely evil.  If you open that door, you are inviting evil into your home.  You don't want to do it...trust me, I have seen the destruction that demons can do once you let them in.  If we buy into the commercialism of evil, we are surely and literally playing with fire!

This Lent, Listen in the Quiet

I don't believe anything in life is a coincidence.  I am currently reading C.S. Lewis' Screwtape Letters, and am finding his words to be immensely profound.  In fact, he was a genius or divinely inspired or both.  The "letters" are supposed to be written from one of Satan's demons to another younger, more junior, demon.  He is giving him advice on how to turn a human being's heart away from God - or as he calls Him the Enemy.  They are fascinating because I see some of myself in them, people I know, and society at large.  We all go through periods in life when we purposely turn away from God or we turn away sprung from apathy or ignorance.

As a society, I see signs everywhere of more and more people turning away from Christ and his Church and towards a more muddled type of "spiritualism".  People are wanting to pick and choose what they believe.  And you can hardly blame the human being for wanting to do this, as we are programmed to desire freedom.  We, as Americans, grow up knowing our freedoms and rights and we will fight for them - as our ancestors did.  However, when it comes to Christ's Church, there is one...and we are called to submit.  That's a tough one for a lot of people, thus the venture into the murky waters of empty promises on behalf of preachers with no authority and new age "spiritualism".

Christ is always calling us.  He wants us to be near Him...spending time with Him.  How can we if we clutter our lives with the "busy"ness and the noise.  Think about how much noise we listen to during a day.  It may occur in the form of your job, the traffic outside, your neighbor's lawn care (or lack of it), your pets, your phones, your television, your computer, conversations with friends and family, etc.  How can we hear Christ's calling if we are listening to so many other things?  There is a bit in the "Letters" about how much Satan has a hard time when we as humans are in a quiet space and are giving ourselves completely over to God...just listening.  It is in the quiet that we hear God's answers and we feel Christ near us.

Where else better to be quiet with Christ than in adoration?  As Catholics, we are the only Christians on the planet lucky enough to actually sit with our Lord in adoration.  His presence is immediately felt the moment you walk into a church or chapel where the blessed sacrament is exposed.  The church will be silent. There will be others in there praying.  Jesus is wholly there for each of them...and for you.  I never walk out of adoration feeling more confused or sad or alone.  I always walk out feeling renewed, inspired, and not alone.  He is with us and He is always calling us.  It is up to us to use our free will to turn to Him and tune out the noise.  Demons want us to listen to the noise because it distracts us and pulls us farther away from our Father's home.  I ask that every Catholic find out the hours of adoration at your local parish and spend time with our Lord.  Spend time in the quiet.  Listen.  Listen to what's in your heart because God is there.  Jesus will be with you in that chapel or church - completely present.  What a gift our Church has for us - the followers of Christ.  Take the gift this Lenten season.  You will not be sorry.  In Matthew's account of the Agony in the Garden (Mt 26:36-46), Jesus brings his disciples with Him to watch over Him while He prayed.  When He was done praying, He found them all asleep.  He said to Peter, "So you could not keep watch with me for one hour?" Jesus is calling you to be awake, to be in the quiet, and to listen to Him.

What Else Can A Mom Give Up This Lent?

I have been racking my brain for days now over what I would give up for Lent.  I would like to say weeks instead of days, but I would most definitely be lying as I've only just been in survival mode the last few weeks since the birth of our fourth child.  So, for days I have had a difficult time coming up with my answer.  Today was Ash Wednesday and instead of continuing to find that answer, I decided to ponder why I was having such a difficult time.  I couldn't remember a year when I had so much trouble coming up with what I would give up.

After picking up my son from his preschool classroom today with my two year old son holding one hand, my preschooler holding the other, and my baby girl strapped to my chest, I slowly managed to make my way into the parking lot and towards my car.  Of course just getting halfway there took us easily ten minutes because as any mother of boys knows, you have to let them walk across every curb like it's a high wire act and then watch them jump off with wild zeal while holding your breath that no one will end up in the emergency room.  While in the parking lot, I ran into not one, but three friends who all were there to attend the Ash Wednesday prayer service which had just begun at our church.  I, of course, denied myself that experience because the thought of being in a quiet church with a five year old who might blurt out that he's bored, my two year old who might scream for no particular reason, and my newborn who might suddenly cry from gas pains or needing to be nursed...well, let's just say it wasn't an option for me today.

My friends made their way into the church and I continued on our journey to the car.  By the time we were arriving at our final destination, I saw everyone coming back out of the church with ashes on their foreheads.  I must admit, I looked at them all with such envy.  "Look at all those people without little ones in tow who can just walk into the church so carefree and receive such a blessing."  Well, I thought God surely recognized my sacrifice and I'd try to attend next year.  Just then, my friends came out and told me that our priest was still giving out ashes in the church and I could just go in to receive them.  It was like you had told me they were handing out the winning lottery ticket inside the church.  I made a beeline for the doors, and well, you know how fast I was moving with a little one on each hand and one strapped to the front.  We went as fast as we could and by the time I opened the doors to the church, it was empty.  My lottery ticket had been given away.  Another friend came around the corner and said, "Katherine, Father is giving ashes in the courtyard."  We made our way to the courtyard and there he was.  He blessed all of us, even baby girl in the front pack.  I left our church with my lottery ticket on my forehead for all the world to see.  I was a happy girl!

Driving home, I still pondered why I was having such a hard time coming up with my one "thing" I would "give up."  And then I thought about my experience just trying to get to my car and then to get our ashes.  I realized that mothers constantly give up of themselves on a daily basis.  And when we have newborns in the house, it is difficult to even imagine how much more we can possibly give up of ourselves.  I have given up my sleep, long showers, eating while sitting, my ability to keep my shirt clean all day, my youthful body, a clean house, and sleeping with my husband in the same bed (as he always ends up moving into the guest room for the first four months of our baby's life).  We give our lives to our children and most parents would say (once their children are grown and gone) they'd do it again and again.

Even though we give up much, I am reminded that God calls each of us to be saints.  I know there is more that I can do.  I think I'll start by doing something nice for my church's office staff and priests, as they did so much for me in preparation for our Walk for Life.  I will try to pray at least one decade of the rosary for all the women in the world who are contemplating abortion that they choose life over death and that their minds are turned towards the love their child will bring.  I will pray for my family more - especially my parents and sister with whom I have no relationship.  I will pray to St.Michael the Archangel for strength.  And I will pray that I only show love, compassion, and patience towards my children and husband.  Lent is about being in the desert, about living through Christ's Passion.  There is nothing I can do to measure what He has done for me.  At this extremely demanding and busy moment in my life,  I will try to tackle this Lenten plan and adhere to it...as if my life depended on it.  Please pray for me.

My Baby Girl's Hands

Exactly one month ago today, I held my fourth baby in my arms for the first time.  I finally held my baby girl...my daughter!  I couldn't believe it when my doctor said, "Girl!"  I looked at my husband and said, "What?"  He said, "It's a girl, it's a girl."  I cried so hard I'm pretty sure I should have installed windshield wipers on my eyes because even when they held her up, I couldn't see her through all the tears.  I knew she was beautiful...and I knew she was mine.

I think every time a parent holds his or her child for the first time, they just want to study all those tiny details and memorize them - the tiny nose, eyes, cheeks, lips, eyebrows, eyelashes, and every hair on that head.  I would close my eyes and try to see all the details in my mind so that I would never forget.  As well as memorizing all those facial features, I know I always want to see my baby's hands and feet. They're so delicate; so tiny.  Those fingers immediately close around my giant finger as if to say, "don't ever let me go."  It is the sweetest moment to feel my baby's hand wrapped around my finger.

My newborn daughter's hands are a carbon copy of my own...only much smaller.  My father always used to tell me that the first thing he noticed about me after my arrival into this world was my hands.  He said he would hold me and just look at my hands and wonder what on earth I would do with those long fingers.  He would dream of all the things I could do with my hands.  It's ironic to me that he would love my hands so much because they are his hands - only the feminine version.  And his hands were his father's.  I remember my grandfather's hands very well.  It is one of the things I remember about him most even though he passed away when I was very young.  His hands were strong, but gentle.  They showed his age and his life's work as a photographer for sure.  His compassion and love for me as his granddaughter showed in his deeds - done with his hands.  My father's hands looked just like my grandfather's, only the younger version.  I loved holding on to my father's hand.  I knew he'd never let me go.

So, my daughter has those hands now.  I look at them and I see my family.  I see myself, my father, and my grandfather.  Like my father, I too look at her hands and those beautiful long fingers and wonder what she will do with them.  What will she create with them?  Who will she hug with them?  Who will one day ask for one of those hands in marriage?  Will she too look at her baby's hands and see her own?

I have been waiting to meet my daughter for a very long time...actually all my life.  I have three beautiful sons, whom I love with every fiber of my being, but there is something unique to the mother/daughter relationship.  I always knew she was in heaven waiting to join our family.  I knew I needed to trust the Lord and His timing.  She's finally here.  I finally get to look her in the eyes every day and see a future for her. I finally get to hold her hand and tell her I love her, and I'll always protect her.  I finally get to look at her hands and see a piece of myself that she will always have.  Perhaps, when she is older and is gardening or writing or praying or cooking or sewing or hugging her own children, she will notice her hands and she will see me.  Hopefully, she'll see me and feel in her heart the immense love I have for her, have always had for her, and will always have for her.  God gave me this incredible gift.  I am blessed.  My family is blessed.

Before I Hold My Fourth Child in My Arms

There really are no words to describe childbirth because it's different for each woman and it's different with each birth.  I can tell you that after having a natural delivery (with my largest and first child), an emergency c-section, and then a scheduled c-section, none of it is fun and I always go into the experience with mixed emotions.  At the end of the pregnancy, the baby gets so large that it sits on bones and nerves I didn't even know I had.  My Braxton-Hicks contractions have run the gamut in severity with each pregnancy - ranging from practically nothing to so intense I thought I was in labor twice (and that was on my third pregnancy).  So, I want the baby to come out, but I have loved carrying the baby inside me for so long.  It almost feels cruel to deliver.  Babies must feel so loved, so warm, and so secure inside their mother's wombs.

I am scheduled for a c-section early Friday morning, and again my anxiety is starting to creep in.  I have been nesting like crazy - I think anyone would be okay with eating off of my floors at this point!  And what is it about nesting that it becomes almost an affliction at the very end?!  I even went out and bought new garden cushions and a very cute ladybug garden thermometer.  Like the baby will see any of that and say, "Wow Mom, thanks for spiffying up the house before I came home!"  All the baby's clothes have been washed in Dreft.  God forbid they should touch anything washed in Tide!  My boys have all had their haircuts, I contacted all my oldest son's teachers for homework ahead of time, wrapped up all the loose ends relating to the Walk for Life I organized, and I've been cooking and freezing as much as I can.

So I've physically exhausted all my responsibilities of the house.  But what about my responsibility to my spiritual side - the side that really matters?  Am I ready to have this baby?  Physically, yes.  My body says I'm ready and my house says I'm ready.  My spirit says it's not so sure.  I want to have complete peace with this delivery.  I  have three boys and I love them more than my own life.  I would be lying, however, if I said I didn't care whether or not I had a girl.  I don't even know why.  My sons are beautiful, smart, kind, thoughtful, and most importantly...healthy.  My wish for this baby is that it is 100% healthy.  How much richer could I be if I had four healthy children?

I think in a lot of ways, my desire for a daughter is selfishly motivated.  When sons are little, their mom is the center of their universe.  Once they are men, they will either be husbands/fathers or priests.  The center of their universe will definitely not be mom anymore, which is as it should be.  Men must become the leaders of their families and devote themselves to their wives and children.  Daughters, on the other hand, tend to cling to their mothers more and more as they move into womanhood.  I guess it is a feminine bond that can't easily be broken.  I would love to have a daughter to share my femininity with - to give her my recipes, to brush her hair, to shop together, to do all the "girly" things together.

This entire pregnancy has been about letting go, though, and completely trusting in God.  This baby was such a happy surprise, and we decided early on that we wouldn't find out its gender.  I just felt that after my history of fertility, infertility, miscarriages, fertility later in life, and then this incredible gift of life I should completely and blindly trust God.  This baby was here for a reason, and I didn't want to mess with God's plan.  Every step of the pregnancy has proven me right.  I had three ultrasounds and the tech couldn't even see the gender all three times.  The baby was either curled up tight like a ball or sitting facing my spine.  I reveled in that.  It was like the baby was saying, "If my Mom's not going to know, no one will."  I always left the ultrasound with a smile on my face and a skip in my step.

As a Catholic, we have the sacrament of Anointing of the Sick at our disposal - which is not only for those who are dying.  We are allowed to receive it before a surgery.  I received it before my last c-section, and it brought me peace that I can't even explain in words.  It was like a wind whipped in through my hospital room and took out any doubts or anxiety I had.  I am going to my parish tomorrow to receive the sacrament once again, and I know my anxieties and doubts about surgery, recovery, leaving my children, and finding out the gender will be washed away.  Jesus was a healer...and He continues to be so.  The next time I write, I will have held my fourth child in my arms, looked into the eyes of my baby... and seen God.

Love everyone...as SHE loved her Son.

After my second son was born, my husband and I decided he needed a playmate.  I became pregnant easily this time; however, when I went for my ultrasound at eight weeks there was no heartbeat.  Of course I didn't know this right away because the tech hid the screen from my view, but I knew something was wrong.  I left upset but with no real answers.  My doctor contacted me and said it might just be too early and that I should repeat the ultrasound in a week.  My repeat ultrasound would fall on Good Friday of that year.  I went in with high hopes, but a horrible pit in my stomach.  I had prayed for a miracle the entire week leading up to Good Friday.   I went in for the ultrasound, and this time, the tech let me know that she still could not see a heartbeat.  I was devastated.  How could this be happening on Good Friday of all days?  I sat up and cried many tears inside that examining room.  When I turned to leave the room, I looked up over the door and there was a figurine of Jesus - not on a crucifix - but with his arms extended looking down on me.  I was instantly comforted.  I knew Jesus was there with me that day - that He would never leave me.  Easter Sunday was coming and I had hope for the future.

Two months later, I became pregnant again and I was optimistically cautious throughout the entire pregnancy.   This baby's hormones were on high though and I couldn't ever NOT be aware of the amazing life growing inside of me.  This baby definitely wanted me to know that he was here for good!  I was sick as a dog, and once I got over that, I had an appetite like a linebacker!

During that pregnancy, I was still having a lot of problems with my family (as mentioned in a previous posting) and I did a lot of crying, as well as a lot of soul searching.  I had not only been unjustly attacked, but then abandoned.  I prayed a lot during that time.  I kept asking God for a sign - something that told me everything would be okay.  When I was about four months pregnant, I had a dream that I could not explain when I woke up.  In my dream, I was standing before a very large grotto in a foreign country.  Inside the grotto was a large painting of Mary.  It was very specific and I recognized the image as familiar.  However, in the dream all I could keep saying in my head was, "She's so beautiful."  I couldn't take my eyes off of her even though there were many people passing in front of me to get a quick glimpse.  It was dark and there were candles lit at the bottom of the grotto.  I was frozen - just staring at Mary's face...filled with mercy, love, such beauty.  All of a sudden, a wind came over my right shoulder and in that wind I heard a very distinct man's voice say to me "Love everyone...as SHE loved her Son."  As soon as I heard the voice, it was like I was being pulled away from the image - out of the grotto - and then I woke up.

I thought, "What did that voice mean?"  Was this the sign I had been waiting for in regards to my parents and sister?  I did love them.  I never stopped loving them.  Perhaps, I was still angry with them.  I didn't know what it all meant, but I jumped out of bed and did a google search for the exact image of Mary I had seen.  I immediately recognized the image as Our Lady of Guadalupe.  Okay, now this is where my mind began racing in many different directions.  I still didn't understand.  She is the patron saint of Mexico. What did Mexico have to do with me???  My husband and I had lived in New Mexico for one year as newlyweds and it was an extremely happy time.  I thought perhaps Mary was coming to me in an image that would make me happy - bring back happy memories.  I put it on the back burner because I couldn't figure it out.  I never forgot the words or the sound of the man's voice - so clear, so distinct, or the feeling of the wind - so forceful yet comforting.  I figured God would reveal the meaning of this message when the time was right.

A couple weeks later, I was reading a Catholic blog on the internet, and it was talking about Our Lady of Guadalupe as the patroness of the unborn.  I just about fell out of my chair.

"Love everyone...as SHE loved her Son."

Was Mary not a scared and unwed pregnant teen?  She answered God's call to be a mother with a resounding "YES!"  Mary said yes to life and look what happened to humanity.  What if she had said no?  The message I heard was a message of love.  And in the end, isn't that what Jesus calls us to do?  The dream finally made perfect sense.  

It wasn't specifically about my family - although it was in a roundabout way.  This was a message about God calling me to do His work.  When I vowed to be a soldier for Christ during my second pregnancy, I did not know how He would use me.  I had been waiting.  Actually, I had been waiting since my first year in teaching many many years prior, but I had been too scared to enter the pro life movement then.  This was the answer I had been looking for.  I told my husband I needed to get involved in the Respect Life Ministry.  Only, I didn't know how or what I could do at that point.  I was eight months pregnant, very swollen, and had two other children.  So, on the backburner it went once again.  Surely God would wait for me.  Surely He would let me know, just as He always had, how and when I could become involved.  I gave birth to a healthy baby boy...our third son.  We named him after Pope John Paul II, who was relentless in his fight for the unborn.

Walk Was a Success!

Great news! The walk was a huge success.  We had over 300 people in attendance, and we raised over $11,000!   There were people there of all ages and from many parishes, but most importantly, a third of them were students.

The pro life message has to begin in our homes and with our youth.  If they know the facts of fetal development, the methods and horrors of abortion, and the fact that chastity has never stopped being an option, then the hearts of this country will change so that being pro-choice will not be seen as a choice anymore.  In fact, the "pro choice" groups make it their mission to bombard women with the message that an abortion is a safe and viable alternative to pregnancy and bringing forth life.  In reality, when a woman makes a decision to abort her baby, she feels she has no choice.  Women abort their babies in desperation, often under duress of family members.

I was overwhelmed with not only our local walk but with the national March for Life in Washington DC.  I have heard reports there were half a million people there.  I watched the rally and walk live on EWTN - and it was certainly a sight to behold.  So many people...braving that cold...to stand before our nation's capitol to declare every human being has a right to life.  The amount of youth that was present at the march was fantastic.  There were many youth groups and colleges represented there.  I know our Archdiocese brought high schoolers to DC and am looking forward to hearing about their experiences.  Franciscan University in Steubenville, OH brought over 800 students, faculty, and staff.  Christendom College in VA completely shut their campus down on Monday so that every student would have the opportunity to attend the march.  Those are awesome signs for our future as a nation.

Become informed and teach your children.  You will never regret telling them the truth rather than following societal norms.  You only have one chance to be a parent and before you know it, your children will be grown, living away from your home, and making their own life decisions.  The night before our walk, all of my supplies and materials were all over the dining room table.  I turned to my fourteen year old son and said, "You must think your mom has lost her mind."  He said to me, "No mom, I think you found it."

Praying before our display of 40 crosses - representing the number of babies
who lose their lives every day in our county alone.

One of the first signs along the walking route.

Surrendering

These 40 Crosses represent the number
of babies in our county who lose their lives
every day to abortion.  Each cross bears an
epitaph - a memorial given by a parent,
grandparent, or sibling to the baby who
lost its life.  They are on display at our parish
for this Walk for Life 2011.

When you make a commitment to do God's work, and you sign up for Christ's army, you don't exactly get to call all the shots.  As a former teacher, I can tell you, I would love the title of "General".  I'd settle for "Commanding Officer".  It just doesn't work like that.  This is a promise with the Big Kahuna - The Creator - the Maker of Heaven and Earth.  I think He's the General!

Back in September, I agreed to become my parish's Respect Life Coordinator not even knowing what my duties would be.  I felt called, and there was just too much overwhelming evidence to support that calling (which I'll go into in a forthcoming post).  I couldn't deny it anymore.  I couldn't run from what God wanted me to do.  I accepted - actually gleefully - even though I was five months pregnant and I was told that our parish would be hosting a Walk for Life for half the county the end of January.  My due date was February 4th.

Well, since the calling was too strong to ignore, I saddled up and took off.  It is now the eve of the Walk - the eve of the anniversary of Roe v. Wade.  All my t's have been crossed and my i's have been dotted.  I'm thrilled beyond belief that God has carried out His mission through me.  This has been a glorious journey to get to this point - through hills and valleys - always knowing that the outcome would be whatever God wanted it to be.  I was just enlisted.  I was given the tools to carry out this awesome task.  I hope the weather is great, many people show up, and that things run smoothly, but I won't lose sleep over those details tonight.  I always knew I wasn't in charge.  

p.s.  I will post the outcome of our parish's Walk for Life, as well as a picture or two in my next blog.