The Real Presence: I Am Here...I Am Right Here

When one makes the decision to convert to Catholicism, there can still be hurdles standing in the way.  For some, it is Mary as such an important figure within the Church, or the use of statues or icons, or praying to the saints, or Eucharist as the actual body and blood of Christ.  Everyone's reasons for converting are different as everyone's personal story is different.  For me, I always knew the truth lied within the Catholic Church...it was really a matter of how and when I would be able to finally claim that truth as my own.  I always believed in God, I wanted to believe in Christ, but my faith in Him was questionable - at times more than others.  For some reason, I kept hanging on to that truth though, knowing I would come to know Jesus as the Truth.  For me, He was always like a light at the end of a tunnel that I could barely see flickering now and again, appearing and disappearing, close and then elusive but all the while a light I knew was there beckoning me to continue down, stumbling all the way in mostly darkness.  

My biggest obstacle in that darkness was the idea of the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist that is offered at every mass, every day, all around the world.  It was what united us as Catholics; that we share in the body and blood of Christ.  As a sometime attendee of the Episcopal church growing up, I was taught that the Eucharist was symbolic and nothing more.  Before converting, I thought the idea of the real presence was a little silly and one that I could just easily overlook because I agreed with everything else.  That thought strikes me as so funny as I sit here and type that now.

I think the first time I was faced with the fact that I had been denying Jesus was when my husband and I went to see "The Passion of the Christ" on Ash Wednesday the year the movie came out.  I, like the three hundred pound gentleman sitting next to me in the standing room only theater, sobbed like a little baby.  I knew what God was telling me about the sacrifice Jesus made for us - for me.  I knew the promise He had given us.  I knew His presence - His real presence - was in the Eucharist waiting for me each mass.  I began approaching the altar for communion with much more reverence after that.  However, as time rolled on, my human-ness crept in from time to time and I would catch myself in mass thinking, "Really?  Is that really you Lord?"

It is so difficult for us mortals to see past what we can only plainly see with our eyes.  There is so much more to this world than what we can plainly see.  As I have stated before, it's like there's a theater curtain all around us at all times that if we could only just reach out and pull back, we would see the true reality - the reality of the spiritual world.  If only we could pull that curtain back from time to time.  Perhaps it would be too scary for us?  

So I have had my struggles with the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist.  I'm sure many others have as well.  I can tell you there is a complete and total serene sense whenever I am in His presence for adoration.  We are so lucky to have the opportunity to sit in quiet with our Lord, talk to Him, ask Him questions...and just listen.  I have poured my heart out to Him in adoration, and I knew He was listening.   His answers always came, not on my time or on my terms, but they came.  He listens and He is really there...the real presence.  

I will end this posting with telling you of a dream I had last week.  I hesitate to write this, yet something is telling me to share it.  I dreamt I was standing outside the entrance to our church and I noticed an elderly man sitting in a small desk right in front of the church entrance.  I kept staring at him thinking how odd that he seemed to be a person of prominence, yet I did not recognize him.  I am active enough in our parish that I would know someone sitting there in that position - yet he was unrecognizable.  He had a hat on and he was staring straight ahead.  No one was paying him any attention, which I also thought was strange.  Just then, he turned and looked right at me.  His hat instantly came off and I noticed he was bald.  He wasn't just bald, he appeared hairless, and his skin was grey.  His eyes...they were black.  He smiled a most horrible smile and his teeth and gums were grey.  The darkness I felt when I looked into his eyes was immense, and it felt like I was starting to fall backwards.  I looked up and cried out, "Lord, where are you?"  Immediately, I was floating inside the church up the aisle towards the altar.  Above the altar, a large eucharist was suspended in air.  I was fixated.  I heard a man's voice say, "I am here.  I am right here."  

It doesn't matter what is going on in the everyday grind.  What matters is that Christ is the one in charge. He is wholly present in the Eucharist.  He is waiting for each of us.  I urge you to visit adoration during Lent.  He is calling and wants us to listen.  Take time for yourself, cut out all the background static, and spend quiet time with our Lord.  You will never regret it.