Love everyone...as SHE loved her Son.

After my second son was born, my husband and I decided he needed a playmate.  I became pregnant easily this time; however, when I went for my ultrasound at eight weeks there was no heartbeat.  Of course I didn't know this right away because the tech hid the screen from my view, but I knew something was wrong.  I left upset but with no real answers.  My doctor contacted me and said it might just be too early and that I should repeat the ultrasound in a week.  My repeat ultrasound would fall on Good Friday of that year.  I went in with high hopes, but a horrible pit in my stomach.  I had prayed for a miracle the entire week leading up to Good Friday.   I went in for the ultrasound, and this time, the tech let me know that she still could not see a heartbeat.  I was devastated.  How could this be happening on Good Friday of all days?  I sat up and cried many tears inside that examining room.  When I turned to leave the room, I looked up over the door and there was a figurine of Jesus - not on a crucifix - but with his arms extended looking down on me.  I was instantly comforted.  I knew Jesus was there with me that day - that He would never leave me.  Easter Sunday was coming and I had hope for the future.

Two months later, I became pregnant again and I was optimistically cautious throughout the entire pregnancy.   This baby's hormones were on high though and I couldn't ever NOT be aware of the amazing life growing inside of me.  This baby definitely wanted me to know that he was here for good!  I was sick as a dog, and once I got over that, I had an appetite like a linebacker!

During that pregnancy, I was still having a lot of problems with my family (as mentioned in a previous posting) and I did a lot of crying, as well as a lot of soul searching.  I had not only been unjustly attacked, but then abandoned.  I prayed a lot during that time.  I kept asking God for a sign - something that told me everything would be okay.  When I was about four months pregnant, I had a dream that I could not explain when I woke up.  In my dream, I was standing before a very large grotto in a foreign country.  Inside the grotto was a large painting of Mary.  It was very specific and I recognized the image as familiar.  However, in the dream all I could keep saying in my head was, "She's so beautiful."  I couldn't take my eyes off of her even though there were many people passing in front of me to get a quick glimpse.  It was dark and there were candles lit at the bottom of the grotto.  I was frozen - just staring at Mary's face...filled with mercy, love, such beauty.  All of a sudden, a wind came over my right shoulder and in that wind I heard a very distinct man's voice say to me "Love everyone...as SHE loved her Son."  As soon as I heard the voice, it was like I was being pulled away from the image - out of the grotto - and then I woke up.

I thought, "What did that voice mean?"  Was this the sign I had been waiting for in regards to my parents and sister?  I did love them.  I never stopped loving them.  Perhaps, I was still angry with them.  I didn't know what it all meant, but I jumped out of bed and did a google search for the exact image of Mary I had seen.  I immediately recognized the image as Our Lady of Guadalupe.  Okay, now this is where my mind began racing in many different directions.  I still didn't understand.  She is the patron saint of Mexico. What did Mexico have to do with me???  My husband and I had lived in New Mexico for one year as newlyweds and it was an extremely happy time.  I thought perhaps Mary was coming to me in an image that would make me happy - bring back happy memories.  I put it on the back burner because I couldn't figure it out.  I never forgot the words or the sound of the man's voice - so clear, so distinct, or the feeling of the wind - so forceful yet comforting.  I figured God would reveal the meaning of this message when the time was right.

A couple weeks later, I was reading a Catholic blog on the internet, and it was talking about Our Lady of Guadalupe as the patroness of the unborn.  I just about fell out of my chair.

"Love everyone...as SHE loved her Son."

Was Mary not a scared and unwed pregnant teen?  She answered God's call to be a mother with a resounding "YES!"  Mary said yes to life and look what happened to humanity.  What if she had said no?  The message I heard was a message of love.  And in the end, isn't that what Jesus calls us to do?  The dream finally made perfect sense.  

It wasn't specifically about my family - although it was in a roundabout way.  This was a message about God calling me to do His work.  When I vowed to be a soldier for Christ during my second pregnancy, I did not know how He would use me.  I had been waiting.  Actually, I had been waiting since my first year in teaching many many years prior, but I had been too scared to enter the pro life movement then.  This was the answer I had been looking for.  I told my husband I needed to get involved in the Respect Life Ministry.  Only, I didn't know how or what I could do at that point.  I was eight months pregnant, very swollen, and had two other children.  So, on the backburner it went once again.  Surely God would wait for me.  Surely He would let me know, just as He always had, how and when I could become involved.  I gave birth to a healthy baby boy...our third son.  We named him after Pope John Paul II, who was relentless in his fight for the unborn.